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T imes have never been better for single women. Long gone are the days when we needed a man to pay the bills and protect us, and our social status was dependent on our spouse. Despite the recent return of Bridget Jones , there are single people of all ages out there going about their business and enjoying themselves, and the word spinster has pretty much been outlawed. And yet, says Zoe Strimpel , who is organising a discussion on the topic at this year's Cambridge Festival of Ideas, being unattached and over 30 remains a source of anxiety for many.
Concerns range from mass hysteria over biological clocks through to fear of coping alone in old age, via unhelpful stereotypes of cat ladies and cougars. Joining her in discussion will be relationship counsellor Susan Quilliam, psychologist Cecilia d'Felice and authority on sexual matters, Rowan Pelling. Here is a preview of key tips from the event, entitled How to be a Single Woman in , Whether You're 25 or 60, along with some thoughts from happily single women.
Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. There's an immense pressure to be showily "single and loving it", says Strimpel, whose book The Man Diet was published last year.
Engage in lofty activities. When you've been burning the candle in search of romance, only to find yourself exhausted and so very tired of bad sex, try staying in to read War and Peace instead. That's what Strimpel did, and it helped her gain some perspective. Don't feel like a failure; seize the opportunity to find yourself instead. Whereas when you're single, you can take stock, learn from your mistakes and work out what you want for the future.
Tina Andrews, who has been single for a decade, points out that there are happy and unhappy people in and out of relationships.
I see more pain and misery from women who think they should be in a relationship, who put themselves out there to be knocked back, and lose a sense of themselves. Patti Burton, a charity manager who has been single for more than 20 years, cites her disinterest in glossy articles "aimed at people who are part of couples", as one of the reasons she has never felt any stigma about her relationship status. Don't be afraid of Andrews felt in the run-up that her options were falling away, but then realised: I don't have the urge to have a family, and I don't see 40 as the end of that anyway.
As we grow up, our expectations of certain ages change. It's the Friends generation turning into the Sex and the City generation, moving into the Golden Girls. Life continues at all these ages. Give thanks that you're among the last generations who didn't learn about sex from internet porn. Single mums can have fun, too. Women do not become invisible in middle age.
It's up to you whether you think it's time to withdraw. Don't be hemmed in by cliches. You can't stop people using labels, such as cougar, says Pelling. Everyone in France expects glamorous year-olds will be, but we're sort of still coping with the idea. There are a load of unpleasant terms out there but it'll get you nowhere having any anxiety about those.
Don't take the decreasing numbers of men personally. Enjoy not having to pick up anyone's pants any more. When her marriage ended, Burton now 65 assumed she'd eventually have another live-in relationship but what has largely been on offer is "lonely men who need looking after. I've got three children and six grandchildren — I do not need a middle-aged man to look after". All ages Be positive, says Quilliam, "if for no other reason than bitterness is not a good look — to attract a partner, for your friends to hang round and, most importantly, for you.
Do whatever it takes to move on: It's very easy to be passive, says Quilliam. If you want a partner, try internet dating, or taking other active steps to find one. And if you want to stay single, or have a string of casual affairs, go for it. You now have the freedom. Connect in a way that's right for you. Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. Or gather friends around you, says Quilliam: Finally, Quilliam quotes the words that poet Seamus Heaney texted to his wife last month when he was on the brink of death and she was facing widowhood: In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your own, you can chose to build your own life.
How to be a single woman in , whether you're 25 or 60 is at the Cambridge Festival of Ideas on Saturday 26 October at 5pm. China has a rather unpleasant term for women who are still single in their mid- to lates. Why don't men suffer the same fate? Age Don't feel obliged to regale your coupled-up friends with wild tales from dating's front line. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded. Loading comments… Trouble loading?
What I'm really thinking: Scrap that single woman stereotype Ellie Mae O'Hagan. The contentment of single women belies the cultural belief that to be female and unmarried is to be faulty./p>
Thanks to new communications technologies, generally better health and a multitude of transportation options, more women over 60 than ever are abandoning cities and deciding to live alone. Whether by choice or chance, the number of older women living alone is increasing. More importantly, the majority of these women are happy living alone and wouldn't want to live any other way.
I recently asked the 35, members of my Sixty and Me community if they would prefer to live alone, with others, or in a managed community.
Their comments were also interesting and emphatically support the argument that many older women want to simplify, live in a smaller space, stay independent and connect with family and friends through technology. Nor does living alone after 60 condemn a person to a life of solitude. Eric Klinenbert, author of "Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone" has conducted research that shows that people living alone are statistically more likely to reach out, socialize and build strong social networks than their peers who are married.
According to Eric "Clearly, contrary to popular belief, for more of us, living alone is a choice, not a sentence. Cities are growing fast. It is fairly obvious why young people move to cities. They relocate to find work, romance, education, entertainment, and opportunity! As we age, our priorities shift and city life starts to look less desirable. Life outside the city is often cheaper, less chaotic and healthier.
In addition, modern communication and transportation technologies allow us to stay connected with the people we care about, without having to live right next door.
Given the fact that so many women over 60 are embracing solo living and enjoying their independence and freedom, perhaps it is time for a new kind of retirement community.
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Burton gets all the human warmth she needs from her family. In today's world as a woman, you have huge status, you can manage on your. It was Thursday afternoon, much like today. I'd been invited Yet, when a woman goes alone, there is something off about it. Either, she must. 10 Daily Habits Of Happy Single Women, Because Independence Is A Beautiful Thing “I recommend to all my friends that they be alone for a while. If we form strong habits now, we're more likely to continue them once we.