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I used to think this was the only difference between men and women; that if men felt the same pressure as we do to get their pubes waxed off before a beach vacation then gender equality could actually be a plausible future for us all.

Because honestly, nothing about this is fair. If guys could get just one ball waxed I think the world would be a much better place. And yet it was with immense disappointment that I witnessed my stream of urine miss the bottle entirely and find its home on the floor of the school bus — and despite meticulously lining up the bottle with my labia!

As women, our options for peeing are narrow, limited; we can hardly even squat without getting some on our legs or feet true story ; whereas men can shoot piss from their penises anywhere and anyway they damn well please.

To women, dick pics are funny, weird, kind of gross, and hilarious. We could spend all day laughing at a dick pic with our gal pals just because it looks preposterous to see a man handle his penis so seductively.

And, since this all exists in our heads, we tend to like what we see. Girls get their hair cut once a year, if that. And yet, for reasons unknown, the amount men end up spending on haircuts never comes close to the amount we spend on Aldona, our bikini waxer one time I had 16 urgent questions for her, which you can read here.

They have this intrinsic MaleSolidarity temperament and hardly ever get jealous of other guys. We are born jealous, spiteful, and as poor decision-makers. And thus we will never be able to play a game of pick-up basketball not that we want to. As opposed to hot guys, hot girls seem to feel more objectified, victimized, and pressured to maintain their hotness. An oldie but a goodie: Sometimes I think that God was trying to level the playing field between men and women when he designated the penis hole as the spot where guys get tested for most STDs.

But then I remember that our method involves a cold metal clamp near our cervix and I quickly rescind that thought. I love pulling a fast one on guys with some face highlighter and eyebrow gel. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.

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I'm pretty laid back and get along with just about anyass. Just perhaps a few mutual appreciation encounters to boost both our egos. I have my own place and a job.

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